Desperate Husbands!

You can be stood behind one in any queue,

The look on their faces will give them away,

They’re easy to find if you know where to look,

You won’t read about them in any book,

They don’t have a series on your TV,

Desperate Husbands!

They’re emotional shells with faces like stone,

Haunted, expressionless, no more left to give,

Head in a vacuum , their heart is in pieces

And broken by years as a sub species,

Till they’ve lost all of the desire to fight,

Desperate Husbands!

Desperate Husbands, 

Desperate Life,

Despertate situation,

Desperate wife,

What if he cracks,

What if he snaps,

What if he fights back with a couple of slaps?

Labelled a monster, not even a man.

What else could he do?

Desperation took over, you don’t understand. 

The life of a Desperate Husband.

Just do it this way, no that’s not what I said,

Just do it that way, don’t you listen to me,

Don’t do it for me you make me look useless,

Why don’t you do something just look at the mess,

It’s Sunday at 4 and nothings been done,

Desperate Husbands.

Haunted children desperate for peace and quiet,

Can’t believe this is how life is meant to be,

Please stop it mummy please stop it dad,

Please, please just stop it, am I meant to be sad,

5 lives are tainted they’ll never forget,

Desperate Husbands.

When husbands give everything for no return,

No fun, no love, no hope, no chance and no end,

It’s over and you know that you can’t carry on,

It will all be over the day that you’re gone,

It’s time to get out and time to give up,

Desperate Husbands.

Desperate life.

Over!

Life Of The Living Dead

I’m living the life of the living dead,

All these things going through my head,

I wish that I could stay in bed,

And not go on.

I’m living this way because of you,

I just don’t know what I can do,

Get up,  get by and get through,

I can’t go on.

And I can’t stand the dicotomy,

One rule for you and one for me,

And as far as I can see,

It can’t go on.

So here we are after nineteen years,

A life of hope so full of fears,

And I can’t cry no more tears,

I won’t go on.

I’m giving up no more need for dread,

I can’t believe the things we’ve said,

No more life of the living dead,

And now I’ve gone.

Ode to Sebastien Chabal

Sebastien, le bastion de Les Bleus 

As a man c’est magifique,

I watch as a voyeur,

Marvel at a physique,

Of wonder and perfection.

Sebastien, the 7^th wonder of the world,

Is your phenomenal beard,

The Gardens of Babylon,

Inspire where it is feared,

A monument to manhood.

Sebastien, a monster it is said,

By those without insight,

I see an angel instead,

Heavenly, strength, might,

A vision in blue lycra.

Sebastien, a man amongst men,

Like a moth to a flame,

Came Englands number 10,

Rugby no longer a game,

Art, beauty and the beast.

How To Stop A Man Like Habana?

How to stop a man like Habana?

So light on his feet

Like a dancer from the Copa Cabana

An athlete complete

How to stop a man like Habana? 

How to catch a man like Habana?

As quick as a flash

Like a gazelle on the Kruger Savanna

An unstoppable dash

How to catch a man like Habana? 

How to beat a man like Habana?

Smooth as tobacco

Rolled on thighs from Cuban Havana

Stand back watch him go

How to beat a man like Habana? 

How to crush a man like Habana?

In a fist of iron

Under St Georges Red Cross banner

A Britannia Lion

How to crush a man like Habana?

A Day In The Life Of Dad

The alarm rings at quarter to seven,

In my dreams I was in heaven,

At the sound of that bell,

I’m back into hell,

The next time for bed’s half eleven.

It’s time for brekfast with my four boys,

I step all over their toys,

Milks been spilt on the floor,

I rush for the door,

At work how I’ll long for that noise.

An hour later still stuck in the car,

I wish work wasn’t that far,

My cars overheating,

Late for a meeting,

Doing this every day is bizarre.

Eighteen messages left on my phone,

Most of them having a moan,

By the end of the day,

They’ll all go away,

I’ll deal with them all on my own.

Now it’s time for the evening repeat,

Home to my little retreat,

My wife’s at the door,

She’s cleaned up the floor,

She really is ever so sweet .

Now I’ll put all my children to bed,

It soon clears my messed up head,

On the computer,

Read Harry Potter,

I kiss each one on the head.

Cook dinner, wash up, have a shower,

If I’m quick I’ll have half an hour,

Some time for a think,

And maybe a drink,

Tell my wife how I love her.

Half eleven and now for some rest,

My day was another big test,

I musn’t grumble,

I feel so humble,

My family is the best.

I Hate Bed

I HATE BED

Oh no, it’s that time again,

The time I hate most of all,

Mum looks at Dad, Dad looks at me,

It’s time for bed comes the call.

I hate it, I HATE IT, I HATE IT,

It just seems so unfair,

Bed is so dull and so boring,

I’ll never make the first stair.

I know if I was allowed,

I could stay awake all night,

Dad says I’m just being stupid,

He’s stupid, I know I’m right!

I don’t want a story or cuddle,

Just don’t put me to bed,

They both ask me “What’s wrong with you?”

Listen to what I just said!

I suppose my pillows quite comfy,

My quilt is quite warm and thick,

Oh no Dad’s going to kiss me,

I think I’m going to be sick.

I guess I don’t have a choice,

I think I’m going to lose,

I’m feeling really quite tired,

Maybe I’ll have a quick snoozzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

It can’t be morning already,

I’ve only just gone to bed,

Now mum wants me to get up again,

I think she’s mad in the head!